Two weeks ago I experienced a day of emotion. I was leaving my office heading to my radiation appointment and I began crying. Then I couldn't stop. It was that try to catch your breath crying, cover your face because you know your mouth is turned in the most unflattering way possible kind of crying. When I got to my appointment place they put me in a room away from the other patients because I just couldn't stop crying. Then as I waited for my appointment a nurse came in to make sure I wasn't "suicidal". I told her "are you kidding me! I've made it thru wait too much to off myself".
So after crying my way thru my appointment (including on the radiation table) and on my way back to my office, and continuing to try and understand WHY I was crying (because not knowing why made me cry more) I get to the building and someone sees me and although I had stopped crying long enough to get to my office, she could see it all over my face, and sends a message to my boss. My boss finds me in my office and long story short she asks a couple of questions and we conclude that it may be pms. What is funny is at that moment I hadn't had a period since February, in 156 days to be exact (I use the period tracker app), so pms hadn't occurred to me until she asked a few questions and I began thinking about my skin breakout the week before, the mocha cravings, being tired, and the cramps I was feeling over the weekend. Then looking at the calendar and realizing if I were on a normal cycle it was around that time. Once we figured out a possible reason for the crying I was 100% ok again! I only needed a reason. And exactly 8days later I did start my period! It's good news for a couple of reasons... It explains the why to my crying episode, and my body is getting back to normal! I won't complain about that!
Other than that, radiation is going well. I have 6more rounds and finish up on the 15th of September. I've started the clinical try meds and had one infusion so far. So far no differing effects, which really means no effects, yay! One of the things that has changed as a result of the cancer that I'm not happy about... after having a couple of lymph nodes removed, I cannot have my blood pressure taken on my left arm or have blood drawn or infusions on my left side. A possible risk if I did is lymphedema or swelling of the arm. So this means my right arm and hand are getting all of the abuse, and now my right hand where I have really good veins to draw blood from has created some scar tissue which makes my vein very difficult to tap. And I had my port removed from my chest so we can't use it. This all means that I'm being poked excessively every 3 weeks. I learned as a little girl to look the other way and think about my happy place when a needle was approaching. Doing this had always made me feel little to nothing by the time the shot was over, and I was never anxious about getting poked by a needle. Now, I can honestly say I feel some anxiety over it. I'm not happy about feeling anxious!
By the way, crying isn't usually part of my pms. My hope is that it was a fluke and going forward I'll be tired and sensitive (meaning over think what I've said) instead of a weeping mess!
My scars are healing well. The radiation has created a red block of skin (it looks like a sunburn) on my left breast area that wraps around my side a little. It isn't painful at this point, only slightly itchy. If you want to see a picture I can post a couple. I've become less modest (some may say I've never been modest) about showing my chest, as this year has progressed. The breasts aren't real, and so many doctors and nurses have seen them, they don't feel like my own. And I'm not sad or upset by it, just less modest. It's ironic I think, that I would be willing to share pictures of my scars. Ironic because I was too afraid to look up photos online to know what my chest was going to look like after the mastectomy. Now, when I wear a bathing suit and part of my scars show, I notice them but I've embraced them! I fought cancer and I won! They are my battle wounds, proof that I kicked its nasty a$$! Any way, Should you be curious I will post a picture, just let me know.
Ok. I've posted a few pictures of me and my hair from the last 3 week's. My office buddy and sweet friend and I have a standing picture date each week. We've decided to capture the hair growth. As subtle as the growth is you'll notice the thickness first (less of my scalp showing).
So after crying my way thru my appointment (including on the radiation table) and on my way back to my office, and continuing to try and understand WHY I was crying (because not knowing why made me cry more) I get to the building and someone sees me and although I had stopped crying long enough to get to my office, she could see it all over my face, and sends a message to my boss. My boss finds me in my office and long story short she asks a couple of questions and we conclude that it may be pms. What is funny is at that moment I hadn't had a period since February, in 156 days to be exact (I use the period tracker app), so pms hadn't occurred to me until she asked a few questions and I began thinking about my skin breakout the week before, the mocha cravings, being tired, and the cramps I was feeling over the weekend. Then looking at the calendar and realizing if I were on a normal cycle it was around that time. Once we figured out a possible reason for the crying I was 100% ok again! I only needed a reason. And exactly 8days later I did start my period! It's good news for a couple of reasons... It explains the why to my crying episode, and my body is getting back to normal! I won't complain about that!
Other than that, radiation is going well. I have 6more rounds and finish up on the 15th of September. I've started the clinical try meds and had one infusion so far. So far no differing effects, which really means no effects, yay! One of the things that has changed as a result of the cancer that I'm not happy about... after having a couple of lymph nodes removed, I cannot have my blood pressure taken on my left arm or have blood drawn or infusions on my left side. A possible risk if I did is lymphedema or swelling of the arm. So this means my right arm and hand are getting all of the abuse, and now my right hand where I have really good veins to draw blood from has created some scar tissue which makes my vein very difficult to tap. And I had my port removed from my chest so we can't use it. This all means that I'm being poked excessively every 3 weeks. I learned as a little girl to look the other way and think about my happy place when a needle was approaching. Doing this had always made me feel little to nothing by the time the shot was over, and I was never anxious about getting poked by a needle. Now, I can honestly say I feel some anxiety over it. I'm not happy about feeling anxious!
By the way, crying isn't usually part of my pms. My hope is that it was a fluke and going forward I'll be tired and sensitive (meaning over think what I've said) instead of a weeping mess!
My scars are healing well. The radiation has created a red block of skin (it looks like a sunburn) on my left breast area that wraps around my side a little. It isn't painful at this point, only slightly itchy. If you want to see a picture I can post a couple. I've become less modest (some may say I've never been modest) about showing my chest, as this year has progressed. The breasts aren't real, and so many doctors and nurses have seen them, they don't feel like my own. And I'm not sad or upset by it, just less modest. It's ironic I think, that I would be willing to share pictures of my scars. Ironic because I was too afraid to look up photos online to know what my chest was going to look like after the mastectomy. Now, when I wear a bathing suit and part of my scars show, I notice them but I've embraced them! I fought cancer and I won! They are my battle wounds, proof that I kicked its nasty a$$! Any way, Should you be curious I will post a picture, just let me know.
Ok. I've posted a few pictures of me and my hair from the last 3 week's. My office buddy and sweet friend and I have a standing picture date each week. We've decided to capture the hair growth. As subtle as the growth is you'll notice the thickness first (less of my scalp showing).