I began the following post December 2017:
As another year comes to a close, I reflect on many of the things I have learned, the personal growth I have felt, some successes both personal and professional, and so much more.
A little more than a year ago, I began seeing a professional coach. I decided to do this as I wanted to take a different approach in my life and my career. I was seeking to be the person in front, rather than the wall flower, the person who silently provided support to others, and didn’t accept being the “center of attention”. I had a desire to not be the person who brought the facts to support the presentation, rather, the person presenting AND bringing the facts, trusting myself and the information I gathered and presented was accurate, no longer second guessing myself.
The desire to be the “front” person morphed into discovering more about myself and why I was uncomfortable with being noticed to begin with. Was it because other important people in my life demanded to be noticed and I wanted to be the opposite? Perhaps it was because that fact, the need to be noticed, was so important, it made me uncomfortable, but why? Emotions like crying, expressions of discomfort, dissatisfaction, discontent, have never been something I was comfortable with personally. So, I worked with (and continue to work with) my personal/professional coach to discover those things which make me, me, and how to acknowledge where I have come from, what I feel now about how I felt then, how to I feel now, and how to “be” now.
This year, I learned that crying is NOT a sign of weakness. Crying is a sign of strength and acceptance in sorrow in a moment when there may be no words to express what we are grieving. Crying is necessary to let go of the poison, the toxicity of any given situation or circumstance. Crying does not mean I need to be noticed, only that I need to acknowledge that something is shitty and maybe I am angry about that shitty thing. Like, when I was diagnosed with breast cancer, which is what brought me to blogging in the first place. I only allowed myself to cry a couple of times, which I think I may not have mentioned previously. The real first time I remember crying was when Eddie and I went to the children’s school principal to tell her about my diagnosis. We did this because I felt it was important that the teachers of the children know in the event either or both of them behaved different as they saw me change during treatment. It was especially important for Elise’s then 2nd grade teacher to know because in the middle part of Elise’s 1st grade year, her teacher lost her battle with breast cancer. All I could think was Elise’s knowledge and experience with breast cancer was death, and I didn’t want for Elise to immediately think she was going to lose me, that breast cancer was an automatic death sentence. I grieved for my children at that time, and not for me. The only other time I remember crying, which I am sure I mentioned in a previous post, was the week before I started my period after nine months of not having one. Oh the hormonal shift was incredible that time.
This is where the post ended.
Now I'll update from today's perspective, April 16, 2019
I continue to see my professional coach. I am happy to say that I've grown and continue to leaen how to be my best self without sacrificing my needs for the benefit of others. January of this year I decided to begin consulting and sharing my knowledge and experience with organizations looking for my expertise. This change means I now tell decision makers why they need me. This change means I talk about me and I am comfortable with it.
Besides this change, I continue to eat a whole food plant based diet, and working out 3 days a week. I feel healthy, and my 6 month check-ups remain clear. Today I read an article with this introduction: "Nearly 11 million people died from diet-related diseases last year, according to a new study published in the international medical journal The Lancet. That amounts to 22 percent of all deaths among adults." I found this interesting because a number of programs I've seen lately discuss proper diet (with exercise and emotional health) is a key factor in a healthy body. If you haven't seen the following programs, I highly recommend them in no particular order
As another year comes to a close, I reflect on many of the things I have learned, the personal growth I have felt, some successes both personal and professional, and so much more.
A little more than a year ago, I began seeing a professional coach. I decided to do this as I wanted to take a different approach in my life and my career. I was seeking to be the person in front, rather than the wall flower, the person who silently provided support to others, and didn’t accept being the “center of attention”. I had a desire to not be the person who brought the facts to support the presentation, rather, the person presenting AND bringing the facts, trusting myself and the information I gathered and presented was accurate, no longer second guessing myself.
The desire to be the “front” person morphed into discovering more about myself and why I was uncomfortable with being noticed to begin with. Was it because other important people in my life demanded to be noticed and I wanted to be the opposite? Perhaps it was because that fact, the need to be noticed, was so important, it made me uncomfortable, but why? Emotions like crying, expressions of discomfort, dissatisfaction, discontent, have never been something I was comfortable with personally. So, I worked with (and continue to work with) my personal/professional coach to discover those things which make me, me, and how to acknowledge where I have come from, what I feel now about how I felt then, how to I feel now, and how to “be” now.
This year, I learned that crying is NOT a sign of weakness. Crying is a sign of strength and acceptance in sorrow in a moment when there may be no words to express what we are grieving. Crying is necessary to let go of the poison, the toxicity of any given situation or circumstance. Crying does not mean I need to be noticed, only that I need to acknowledge that something is shitty and maybe I am angry about that shitty thing. Like, when I was diagnosed with breast cancer, which is what brought me to blogging in the first place. I only allowed myself to cry a couple of times, which I think I may not have mentioned previously. The real first time I remember crying was when Eddie and I went to the children’s school principal to tell her about my diagnosis. We did this because I felt it was important that the teachers of the children know in the event either or both of them behaved different as they saw me change during treatment. It was especially important for Elise’s then 2nd grade teacher to know because in the middle part of Elise’s 1st grade year, her teacher lost her battle with breast cancer. All I could think was Elise’s knowledge and experience with breast cancer was death, and I didn’t want for Elise to immediately think she was going to lose me, that breast cancer was an automatic death sentence. I grieved for my children at that time, and not for me. The only other time I remember crying, which I am sure I mentioned in a previous post, was the week before I started my period after nine months of not having one. Oh the hormonal shift was incredible that time.
This is where the post ended.
Now I'll update from today's perspective, April 16, 2019
I continue to see my professional coach. I am happy to say that I've grown and continue to leaen how to be my best self without sacrificing my needs for the benefit of others. January of this year I decided to begin consulting and sharing my knowledge and experience with organizations looking for my expertise. This change means I now tell decision makers why they need me. This change means I talk about me and I am comfortable with it.
Besides this change, I continue to eat a whole food plant based diet, and working out 3 days a week. I feel healthy, and my 6 month check-ups remain clear. Today I read an article with this introduction: "Nearly 11 million people died from diet-related diseases last year, according to a new study published in the international medical journal The Lancet. That amounts to 22 percent of all deaths among adults." I found this interesting because a number of programs I've seen lately discuss proper diet (with exercise and emotional health) is a key factor in a healthy body. If you haven't seen the following programs, I highly recommend them in no particular order
- What the Health
- Heal
- The "C" Word
- Forks Over Knives